Death leaves a heartache no one can heal

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10 years ago today, my grandpa passed away from a short battle of cancer. I was only 13 years old. He passed away at a young age, still in his 50’s, not being able to watch everyone grow up.

My grandpa meant a lot to me. We had a really close bond, I pretty much considered him as my second dad. My sisters and I were always with my grandparents, as they were always doing something with us or taking us places. I have nothing but amazing memories from my childhood.

When my grandpa passed away, it felt like a part of me broke inside. I was only 13, but I was old enough to know what was going on. I would hide in my room or in the bathroom and cry because I knew my grandpa was dying and there was nothing that could be done. I remember at a very young age, probably when I was 6, I told my mom, crying, that I don’t know what I would do without my nanny or grandpa around. And I remember thinking back to that at 13, realizing my worst fear came true. My grandpa was an amazing person, you could not find a kinder soul or such a funnier person than him. He loved his family so much, especially all his granddaughters, which was 5 of us. He would do anything for us and there was nothing better than hanging out with grandpa for the day.

As I am typing this, I have flashbacks in my head of all the memories we had together. I remember all the trips he took us on, all the assignments he helped us with, all tears he wiped away and most of all, all the love he gave to us. All of our lives changed the day he went away. A little piece me left when he passed and I know I will never get that back. I think the hardest thing for me is missing him so much and knowing that I will never see him ago.

I always wish that he could be here watching us grow up and go through many milestones, but I can only hope that he is looking down on us with a big smile. As the years have gone on, I have learned to deal with him being gone and moving on with my life. At one point, I felt guilty because I didn’t think of my grandpa as much anymore, even though he was always in my heart. My grandpa would not have wanted any of us to live in the past and be depressed, he would have wanted us to live our life to the fullest. So, I promised myself that I would only think about the good memories and knowing he did have a good life, even if it was cut short.

From this day forward, I will only celebrate the life of my grandpa and not mourn the past. I will celebrate him today, as it his birthday too, and remember him for all the good memories he gave to our whole family.

I know I will see you someday down this road and until then, you will always be in my heart.

xo  1234619_10151952675505140_951988174_n1917034_205448485139_1960151_n554604_10151600779090140_1202015452_n10404247_10152845974100140_5682252078583277970_n

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